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    Fishing As Taught by Malika

    (Per Riot’s Request, an attempt at writing his piece again)


    South of the Chordoni River, something large moved with haste through the dense, vine-wrapped trees. Sunlight glinted off scales and mocha skin, flashes there and gone, hidden beneath verdant leaves and behind thick tree trunks. For a moment, the creature stopped, her chest heaving for breath. She settled her hand on a tree trunk to brace herself, then ran her lacquered nails through her long hair. Crap. If I don’t hurry up, Vivian’s going to spend hours teasing me. Malika sucked in a deep breath and moved on, hastily wending her way through the trees.

    She’d learned a hard lesson early on about keeping her hostess waiting - many of them, if she had to be truthful - but the risk was well worth it. This time, anyway. It wasn’t often that Malika often caught dinner and a show, but today had been one of the lucky days. For both her and the humans, anyway. She’d simply been passing by when she’d heard them, a pair of humans getting frisky in the deep jungle, and such a treat had been too good to pass up. Malika had been considering eating them, but the longer she watched, the more she realized that eating them would be a shame; the two humans could bend in rather spectacular ways, revealing more flesh than Malika had thought humans were capable of displaying. As she watched, she’d thought about joining them, but held herself back, rather enjoying the position of voyeur. Especially since the pair of humans didn’t realize that there was something watching them, a creature that was as much a lover of the... arts... as a predator of their tiny little species.Maybe I should’ve thanked them for their show. But her stomach rumbled again, and the way it tightened and twisted told her she’d be sorry if she didn’t fill it soon. It had done that earlier, just at the climax of her little peep show, and it had warned her that she’d spent far too much time watching the humans. Malika often lost track of time during situations like that, especially when she began pleasuring herself along to the soft sounds she’d heard coming from the tent.

    After saying a quiet ‘thank you’ to the couple, she’d slithered into the trees and began to look high and low for a potential meal, the easier the better. As with any other time that she was in a hurry, food was making itself scarce, scared off or alerted to her presence by her frantic movements. Or, at least, the local wildlife vanished into their hiding places or dens as she drew close. Whether they heard her or smelled her, Malika didn’t know. All she knew was that her stomach was starting to chew on her spine and it was starting to make her just a little irritable. It was turning out to be a terrible start to a very painful day, so to speak. Even if she did make it to Vivian’s place soon, she’d still have to endure a harangue about being late, then vicious teasing, and whatever else she’d have to go through, before she could enjoy a very powerful orgasm - and now on top of that, she would still be hungry.

    “Knew I shouldn’t have gotten myself off on an empty stomach,” Malika complained to herself. “That makes me hungrier, and now their ain’t a single lil’ fella ‘round here to gobble up.” The self-scolding lasted only a few moments, because she remembered the campers. A smile curved her luscious lips and she tapped her fingers against her sternum, a soft little drum-beat of indecision. “Maybe I should’a just joined ‘em, like I-“

    She stopped mid-sentence as a familiar scent drifted on the wind. Malika inhaled deeply, her mouth starting to water as the air tickled through her olfactory senses. It was the smell of alcohol. She swallowed hard, licking her lips as she turned toward the origin of the scent. If there was alcohol, there would be humans - inebriated humans - which meant there would be a buzz and a snack waiting for her, all wrapped up in a cute little pink- or dark-skinned package. Pleased, and with a renewed vigor, Malika glided through the forest, dancing from tree to tree until she reached a vantage point that kept her hidden but revealed her prey. Sure enough, there were four men in a little boat, drinking and cursing at one another. It didn’t take long to figure out that they were either lost, or - as Malika was coming to believe - not from Felarya at all. That didn’t matter to her though; her stomach gladly welcomed all guests, big and small.

    Now, now. Be good lil’ treats and don’t go anywhere. Malika quietly slithered down from her lookout. I’m gonna put y’all somewhere nice and comfy. A grin split her luscious lips to bare her teeth, and she left the cover of the trees, slipping quietly into the water with the barest of splashes.



    That was the thought of another predator watching the four human males in the boat. But she was watching them for another reason altogether; she wasn’t considering them prey, simply nuisances. The watcher was a young pantaur, Tara by name. She observed them, lazily lounging on a leafy branch that concealed her from the men as much as it concealed her from things that might want to predate on her. She calmly tore the flesh from the core of a piece of fruit, sharp-nailed fingers slipping the fruit past her lips long enough for her abraded tongue to lick her fingers clean of juice. Normally, such an easy meal would’ve prompted her to begin her prowl in hopes of taking a human out for “dinner”, but she’d already eaten today - the fruit was dessert - and she was far more interested in watching the annoying creatures than eating them.

    Besides, with all the racket they were making, and the strange scents wafting off them, it wouldn’t be long before another predator came and snacked on them, anyway. Simply attacking for the sake of attacking would be rude, and deprive someone else of a decent lunch.

    Tara had just taken the last bit of her fruit and was about the playfully toss the seed into the water when a shiver ran up her spine. Her fur stood on end, her hackles raised, and her teeth bared on instinct. She quickly turned to all fours, unsure if she should flee into the woods or hold her ground. Either way, there was something far more dangerous, and far bigger, coming close. Anxiously, ears rotating, her eyes glanced from left to right, up to down, back again, looking for any glimpse of what was coming. Her ears picked up no sound other than her soft breathing, the idiot humans on the river and...

    And the softest hiss from the water below.

    Tara froze in place and hoped the predator wasn’t looking for her. She watched with wide eyes as the tail of a very large serpent passed by, just below the surface of the water. It was close enough for her to see the dark charcoal scales and the ominous skull pattern colored gold, a pattern that swept the entire tail. The parts that she could see were quite large, meaning that whatever they belonged to was great deal bigger. She watched as the coils zig-zagged meticulously around the boat, taking care not to disturb the surface of the water, or the boat, or to warn the humans that their doom was here. After a moment - one taken to confirm the predator wasn’t after her - Tara relaxed. She’d met plenty of naga, and none had ever displayed predatory intent - or any other ill will - toward her. In the brief moment she’d closed her eyes to calm her heart, the moment she’d taken her eyes off the water, the tail was gone, and the sapphire water was perfectly clear and still.


    From beneath the water, Malika worked slowly on shifting onto her back so she could come up from below and pick them off, one by one. As she began to float toward the surface, her eyes picked up just the hint of movement from a concealing branch. There was a young pantaur there, the girl’s fur just now starting to settle. Though it stood on end again when the girl realized Malika was staring right at her. Torn between fleeing - and thus inciting predatory instincts in the naga - or staying - and becoming food - the pantaur girl shivered once. It brought a gentle smile to Malika’s face. She studied the young visitor, knowing what she was but having not actually seen one of the girl’s race before, her eyes raking over Tara’s innocent, wide eyes, the beautiful spotted fur, her athletic form, long black hair that was tangled in thick braids, and finally - the only part of the girl that made Malika’s blood run hot - the little piece of cloth the girl was using to cover up her breasts. Just to be on the safe side - and to tell the girl Malika’s interest wasn’t anything more than observation - Malika slowly raised her index finger to her lips and winked at the tiny predator. Tara relaxed once again and settled in to watch the show. After all, not everyone was lucky enough to be an observer of a naga attack...


    On the boat, the four men, four friends, were unaware of either predator, and unaware that death was slowly slinking closer beneath the pristine surface of the river. Eddie, Bud, Steve, and Aron were all college friends from the same city in south Georgia, frat brothers and almost family. They’d planned a fishing trip to help Steve get over the loss of his most recent ex-girlfriend, and had dragged the man out of bed in the indecent hours of morning all to get here today. Although, it was unlikely any of them actually knew where here was.

    Both Bud and Aron were of caucasian descent, though Aron was paler than Bud, with lighter hair and eyes. Eddie was a mix of hispanic-caucasian, with a rough patchy beard like he couldn’t quite get it to grow properly. The last man, Steve, was African-American. His dark skin rippled as he cocked his arm back to throw the lure in his hand, his dark eyes narrowed at the weak little splash the lure made. All four wore jeans, though Aron and Bud were wearing jerseys in the colors of their school - red and white - while Eddie wore a tight tee shirt, and Steve had opted for a wife-beater and baseball cap. All four of them had been drinking for quite some time now, and were probably well on their way to shnockered, and none of them ever noticed the landscape had changed suddenly. Though, even if they had noticed, they probably thought nothing of it beyond the acknowledging the fact that they were really, really, really smashed.

    “‘ey, Bud,” Steve called out, his words slurring, “Thought you said this was a good fishin’ spot. Man, you suck, I ain’t caught shit yet! Got this feelin’ we’re bein’ watched.”

    “Just drink another cold one, man,” Aron said, pulling another beer out of their cooler and tossing it to him. “We pro’lly just floated too far down-river or some shit like that - can’t see shit through that damn fog.”

    “We lost?”

    “Naw, we ain’t lost.”

    “I think we’re lost.”

    “Would you two shut up?” spat Eddie. “Y’all are scarin’ the fish away.”

    Steve popped the tab of his can, the beer bubbling up over the rim and over his hand. “Lost or not, there’s somethin’ out there. It’s watchin’ us.”

    “Man, shut the fuck up. This ain’t no Predator movie.” Bud shook his fishing pole. “There’s nothin’ out there more dangerous ’n us.”

    “Yeah, man, stop bein’ such a pushy.” slurred Aron with a giggle. “Ain’t nothin’ out there eye’n you! You too damn ugly for that shit.”

    “The word ya want is ‘pussy’, you drunk asshole.” Steve growled. “And I ain’t no pussy. I swear there’s somethin’ out there!”

    “You’re drunk.”

    “We’re all drunk.”

    “Man, shut yo’ mouth. We brought ya out here outta the kindness of our hearts, and here ya are whining about it like a little baby.” Eddie hawked and spat out a loogie into the water. “If ya wanted some titties, you shoulda stayed home and sucked on your momma’s.”

    “It’s your momma’s titties I sucked on, and man, were they fiiiiiiiiiine.” Steve shot back, taking a swig of beer. “You shoulda heard her, screamin’ my name, beggin’ me to give her the D. Thought I was gonna go deaf!”

    “Damn!” Aron and Bud burst out laughing.

    Eddie scowled. “Man, why you always gotta talk about fuckin’ someone’s momma? I know you can’t get no other girls, but damn. Don’t you think throwin’ a hot dog down a hallway is a shit-poor way to get some pity?”

    “Shit man, that’s cold, right there.” Steve replied, grinning. “I don’t know why ya’ll give me a hard time. I got a reason to be nervous now.”

    “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” asked Aron.

    “Man, you don’t fuckin’ know by now? When strange shit starts happenin’, it’s the black dude who always gets killed first! It happens in every movie.” Steve took another drink.

    That statement prompted laughter from the other men, the noise making the forest seem loud and even more eerily quite when they stopped laughing. Not that any of them noticed.

    “Man, you’re so damn crazy, you know that?” Aron snorted. “Don’t worry, dude. We’re all here, ain’t nothin’ gonna happen to your crazy ass.”

    “Shit, better not. Promised your momma I’d be there tonight when she got off,” Steve smirked.

    “Man, fuck you, you ain’t-“ Aron stopped all of a sudden as his line began to stretch taut. “Jesus Christ! I got a big one!”

    The other men turned to watch at first, then scrambled to help when it became apparent that whatever Aron had hooked wasn’t just going to come to the surface willingly. It was that moment that Malika chose to attack. With one hand, she pulled on the line with force, simultaneously poking the bottom of the boat with a finger. Her simple plan proved to be very effective, as the sudden shock threw everyone on board off balance. Even underwater as she was, she heard a muffled yelp and a loud splash. As the bubbles cleared, Malika saw that one of the men - Eddie - had been tossed into the water and was struggling back to the surface.

    Malika let the boat settle and the water calm.

    When the men got their bearings, the three in the boat pointed and proceeded to laugh as Eddie began to swim his way back to the boat. The laughter stopped very quickly when Eddie suddenly vanished beneath the water, leaving nothing but ripples and a trail of bubbles that popped when they reached the surface. A tense, pregnant silence hung there, as the men in the boat stood waiting for their friend to reappear. Even as drunk as they were, minds whirling with possibilities, none of them wanted to jump to any conclusions. They all suspected he would appear at any moment, in front of them, behind them, and yell “Gotcha!” before tipping them all into the water.

    The silence continued....

    And continued...


    “H-hey man!” yelled Steve, the first brave enough to break the ominous silence. “Cut the bullshit! This ain’t funny! Ain’t the time to be foolin’ around, man!”

    A few more heartbeats of silence passed before there was finally some movement beneath the water. Pale and wide-eyed, suddenly sober, Eddie burst from the water, shirtless and screaming - “HELP ME!” - and just as suddenly, vanished beneath the water again.

    “Fuck this, I’m gonna go get that sunovabitch.” Bud spat as he grabbed a pipe from under the seat. “If somethin’ crazy happens, get the hell outta here.” He ordered. He took a deep breath and dove into the water, swimming toward where Eddie had just gone under.

    Under the water, Bud couldn’t see much. His eyes stung just being touched by the water. Mindful of not making too many sudden movements, he looked around for their lost friend, then returned to the surface to take another breath. He dove again, and this time was met with more luck - if more luck meant that all he found of Eddie were his friend’s clothes floating up piece by piece. Strange. He better not be gettin’ fuckin’ naked to scare the shit out of us. Bud’s mind immediately thought of sharks, or anacondas, or hell, why not, a fucking Predator but... But sharks n’ snakes n’ Predators don’t take clothes off a guy when they’s gonna eat it. With no other clues to go on, and his lungs burning, he returned to the surface to get another breath. This time, when he dove, he immediately regretted the decision.

    At first, there was nothing but darkness, but then, just as suddenly, there were two glowing green orbs - which he soon figured out were eyes - that came rushing up towards him. He screamed, bubbles and noise escaping his mouth, and he frantically clawed his way back to the surface. He broke through, and began swimming back toward the boat. Before he could reach it, his view was suddenly surrounded by a pink, slimy wall, and before he could swim around that, he felt something soft beneath him, and he realized it was lifting him out of the water.


    On the boat, the other two men quickly realized that the pink wall wasn’t a wall at all, but a strange appendage. They didn’t have to wait long to see what the appendage was attached to, as a gigantic beautiful face emerged from the crystal water. The appendage - her tongue - was extended to its full length. She had beautiful mocha skin, very long, tapered, graceful ears, and captivating green eyes. As the two men gawked helplessly - captivated - the gigantic newcomer simply undulated her long tongue until her catch was safely in her mouth. She closed it with a sweet smile, throat working, and licked her lips when she’d successfully swallowed. Very carefully, she began to fiddle around the inside of her mouth with her tongue, before she finally spat out a few more pieces of clothing. Silence stretched between them all (interrupted only by the faint sounds of the monstrous woman enjoying the treat sliding down her gullet) before there was a string of panicked curses escaped the men and a giggle escaped her. The giant woman belched lightly, her hand going to her lips. “Oh, excuse me.” Her head bobbed above the water, eyeing the remaining two humans.

    They looked like deer trapped in the headlights of an on-coming semi.

    She burped again and looked embarrassed. “Oh, my. Pardon me, sugars. I guess that one was a real fighter,” She dabbed at her voluptuous lips with her index finger. “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of you two as well.” She winked at them.

    “The fuck, the fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-“ Steve was in a full-on panic, eyes wide enough to show the whites and the tiny veins. “Sh-she fuckin’ ate them! Ate ‘em like they was some goddamn candy! What the fuck!?”

    “Man, calm down!” Bud said, equally panicked, but trying to remain as calm as possible. “There’s a perfectly logical explanation for this, right? We just drank some weird shit. Inhaled bog water or some shit.”

    “Dude, we ain’t in Georgia no more.” Steve was hoping his voice wasn’t vibrating as bad as his body.

    Swallowing hard, Bud said, “Uh, pardon us, lady, but, uh. Ya got a name?”

    “Sure do sugar. Since ya’ll asked so nicely, it’s Malika.” She replied, a sweet smile curving her lips.

    “Well, she sounds like she’s from Georgia.” Bud said, looking over to Steve. Steve just stared back at him like Bud had grown a second head. Shaking himself, Bud looked back to Malika. “Uh, lady, there’s any chance you could, you know, puke up my friends? Pretty sure gettin’ eaten’s gonna kill them and all, and ya know, I kinda promised their folks I’d bring ‘em home.”

    Malika laughed. “Oh, sorry, sugar, I can’t do that. That’s the whole point of a ‘snack’ ya know?”

    Steve edged toward the rim of the boat. “Man, you see how she’s eyein’ us?” He hissed. “She’s figurin’ out who she wants to eat first!”

    “Shit man, calm the fuck down!”

    “No way! I ain’t goin’ out like that!” Steve had one foot on the edge of the boat and was seconds away from jumping.

    “Oh, no no no, sugar. You’re bein’ so naughty!” Malika teased. Then she lunged forward with her mouth wide open, inches away from catching Steve.

    “Watch out!” Bud screamed. He leaped toward Steve, pushing him over the side into the water seconds before Malika captured him.

    A brave thing to do, but a stupid one. The action put him right in the path of Malika’s gaping maw. She took half the small boat into her mouth - man and wood and beer and bait - and bit down, easily splitting it in two, leaving the remainder of the small boat to sink. The attack was sudden, barely a handful of seconds long, and just as quickly it had begun, it was over. The water was deadly calm now, and everything was completely silent. Eventually, the silence was shattered as the aft of the small boat broke the surface, bounced once, twice, thrice, then slowly began to sink amidst violent foam.

    Steve looked around, panicking now that he was totally alone with a strange, gigantic, man-eating woman looming somewhere he couldn’t see. He knew she was there, down there, below him, behind him, some-fucking-where, probably enjoying Bud like he was a bon-bon. Steve wasn’t sure if he should try to make a break for shore, stay where he was and hope she was sated - not likely, considering her size. If three men couldn’t whet her appetite, there was always a fourth floating on the surface of the water. He waited...


    Waited, suddenly very sober.

    Finally, Steve gathered what courage he had - hoped he didn’t shit his pants in the process - and slowly started to swim toward the shore when movement caught his eye. Two mocha-colored fins broke the surface of the water with a violent splash and were now cutting a path straight towards him.

    Up in her tree, very safe, Tara watched on with interest as the massive form beneath the water very quickly closed in on the lone man - who was frantically trying to swim to shore. The only way the young pantaur could tell the human’s death was imminent was that there were two ominous glows seconds before long ears pierced the water.

    As she drew closer, Malika began to emerge from the water more and more - like a great white shark bursting upwards toward an unsuspecting seal - her eyes glinting playfully. Now that she was down to the last little morsel she could truly savor the hunt. Steve turned his head to see most of her face above the wake she was making, and almost immediately after meeting her eyes, he saw her mouth open wider and wider as she drew closer and closer to him.

    “SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” Steve screamed himself hoarse as he pushed himself to the limit. His arms burned, his legs burned, his lungs burned, and he fought for every inch he gained. If I get out of this, I won’t ever crack a deep throat joke again! I swear!

    Malika eventually closed her mouth and grinned, slowing her pace a bit. As she did so, the human reached the shore and began crawling out of the water. He coughed and spat out river water as he scrambled away from the edge and made it into the cover of a few bushes. He sprawled out on his back, chest heaving. Malika slipped quietly out of the water and disappeared into the verdant forest, her eyes ever on the human.

    Steve shivered as his adrenaline rush finally started to abate. He rolled onto his hands and knees, crawled forward a few feet, and looked over his shoulder. It seemed that the monster-woman had given up on him after all. Thank fucking God. He couldn’t help it; he started laughing, almost hysterically. “Shit... shit! That was... that was fucking nuts...! I know we got some big gals in Georgia, but damn! I ain’t never seen a chick that damn big.” He turned onto his butt and hung his head between his knees, gasping for air in between giggle fits. “Bet she had some big ol’ titties.”

    “Is that what you lil’ yummies call these?”

    Steve leaped to his feet and whirled around, trying to find the source of the voice - the achingly familiar, nightmarishly terrifying voice. Didn’t just hear that. I’m hearin’ things. He turned - and was suddenly facing Malika, who loomed overhead. He gaped, mouth working, but no sound escaping.

    “Fine, then. I won’t tell ya, sugar. I’ll just show ya.” She said playfully. She slithered down out of her perch, surrounding Steve with her entire length. She tickled her lacquered nails down her chest, over her full breasts and lightly scraped the very tips of her nails over her nipples until they were erect. Then she closed her hands around her breasts, squeezing them enough to send a thrill of pleasure through her. “Tell ya what, sugar. I’m in a good mood, and I’m feelin’ just a bit horny. If ya help me work off brunch, I might just be willin’ to not have me some chocolate for dessert.”

    “B-brunch? You... you fuckin’ ate my damn friends!” Steve yelled.

    “Oh, poo. I was just hopin’ you’d help me rub a couple out.” Malika’s luscious lips turned into a pout. “But if ya don’t wanna, I’m sure I can just give ya to my friend in exchange for not teasin’ me.” She said coyly, reaching for him with a long-fingered hand complete with steak-knife sharp nails.

    Steve stumbled backwards, trying to avoid that hand. He tripped over a root, falling hard on his back. He put his hands up, crying, “Whoa! Wait! Wait! Did, uh, I just sound rude just then? I was just playin’ hard to get. You know how it is, right, lil’ mama?” He jumped at the chance to survive. “I’ve always been good with the ladies. Good to the ladies. I can show ya a good time, just gimme the chance.”

    “I knew you’d see it my way, hun,” Malika murmured softly. She offered her hand to him, palm up, then paused as a loud gurgling sound came from her stomach. Steve paused in rising from the ground, staring at her with wide eyes. Malika patted her stomach, sighing. “Sorry. Seems I was a lil’ hungrier than I thought. Looks like you don’t have much work to do, hun.”

    “Hey, whatever you want, babe.” He replied as he stepped slowly onto the soft flesh of her palm. “Just don’t eat me, please. I ain’t tryin’ to end up a stereotype.”

    “Don’t ya worry about that, hun.” Malika smiled, her lips curving in a sexy smile. “I’m gonna take us somewhere more... private. You do a good job, and I’ll introduce you to my girlfriend up by the falls - as company, not a snack.” She clarified. Malika straightened up, waited for Steve to get comfortable in her hand, and began to wend her way into the jungle. “Oh, and by the way...”

    “What’s up, babe?”

    “Call me a bitch one more time, hun, and I’ll find out if you really have gooey, creamy insides.”

    Steve paled - or at least turned a shade lighter than ebony. “So-sorry, babe. I was just... traumatized. You know, shit my pants terrified. You ate my friends.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “Where I come from, uh, it’s sorta a bad habit in speech. Don’t mean to be rude when I call a chick a ‘bitch’. Sorta, a bad term of endearment.”

    “Mm. Well, I told ya earlier, my name is Malika. But don’t worry about forgettin’ it - when I’m done with you, my name will be stuck in your head for the rest of your life.” Malika gave Steve a very lecherous look and licked her upper lip.

    I’m about to get into some seriously nasty, freaky shit... Steve thought to himself as Malika carried him off to his fate.

    As Tara watched, still frozen in place, Malika slithered beneath the tree she was in. The giant naga paused long enough to give her a wink as she carried her prize off to a more private location. The young pantaur tried to follow Malika’s movement as long as she could, but just as suddenly as the naga had appeared, she was gone. Tara knew it was safe to move when the local wildlife began to call, their noises echoing amongst the jungle, almost as if they were all sighing in relief that their death-day hadn’t arrived yet.

    The only signs of the recent attack were a few soggy pieces of clothing floating up the Chordoni River.

Here it is, the Redux of the "Fishing, the Malika Way" story i wrote. As i said in the journal entry, this was written by a talented friend/guildie of mine from wow - and i think she did an AMAZING job with this. I'm almost positive if she wasn't restricting herself to this story as a template, this would have been even more amazing. As stated in the journal, this is her first time writting in this setting, and dealing with a character like Malika ( mostly in the giant man/woman-eating naga sense) I feel as though even more of Malika's character was brought out here.

Give it a read, please leave feedback - we're both curious to know lol. That is if anyone still pays attention to what pops up here lol.

Vivian (mention) - :iconkarbo: - as well as Felarya

Malika - Me, DUH

Tara, the most adorable pantuar in the history of EVER - :iconlyiba-mooneyes: - special thanks again for the wonderful picture that accompanies this story :) - you should all go check out her gallery, because she's an awesome artist, and one of the nicest people to work with!
Add a Comment:
fwyrl Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Tell your friend she did a brillient job. Just the first sentence alone is great...
Asuroth Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow O_o- your friend has some real skills with writing, I'm quite impressed with this!  I remember the original well still heh...but wow, that was some writing to really bring the reader into the story with all those descriptions and little touches getting to see just how the characters were thinking and feeling.  Those bits of waiting during the moments where one of them went under just added a ton of suspense to the scene!  Really, just I'm very impressed by her skill here.  Incredibly great work from the both of ya on this one (completely agree she did an amazing job on it if ya hadn't noticed heh :)).
Shady-Knight Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It was a nice piece and I'm jealous that the vocabulary here is richer than mine, though like the previous one, I'm not fond of four frat guys from Earth having suddenly gotten in Felarya, though I'm just gonna pretend it's a non-canon story.  One thing that kind of bugs me is that Malika eats three of the guys, and half the boat, but decides to spare the last one, who suddenly isn't so shaken that his friends are dead.  I guess it's supposed to show they weren't as close-knit as they would have thought, but in a way, it's kind of a cruel mercy.
turboman500 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
Of course it's non cannon lol. Malika is so impulsive, that it's within the realm of her being to do such a thing. I actually had a moment where i put myself in this guy's shoes... Given the same 2 options, i would have reacted the same way - you don't have time to be shaken when you're about to die, that and he had only recently been inebriated.

i'm with you though on the vocabulary - i'm totes jealous
TheAssassinGuy Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
Seriously, very good work *applaudes*
Karbo Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hehe it's nice to see more of Maiika :D  I like how you conveyed the feeling of danger here. Like as soon she appears, the surrounding quiet and Tara has this shiver in her spine. I would have been her I think I would have jumped a couple branch higher while Malika was underwater XD
Great job :)
turboman500 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
Thank you! It is a drastic improvement over the original IMO, and it does all of those things so much better than I did!
david-dent-jedai Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You knowI didn't think I could enjoy this as much as a second time around and I didn't....I freaking re-discovered and found I loved it more! More detail, professional sounding wordsand just more awesomeness!  Heh I was even briefly concerned for poor Steve cause I forgot how he escaped the first time and you did re-write so...XD I thought he may be lunch this time around. I'm so adding this to a very special collection normaly not reserved for writings.
turboman500 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
Wow, I'm glad you liked it - such kind words also made my friend feel really good!
david-dent-jedai Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awwh! Well I like to make people feel good. ^_^ And I mean that a 100% clean way....<.< Unless you like it like that. ;) XD Nah just kidding. Seriously awesome.  Though it still does make me wonder what Malika did with Steve after he earned his freedom. o.o I mean even if she and Vivian agree'd not to eat him I can't seee either escorting him to Negav. ...XD But I can think of a funny ecnounter at Safe Harbor. Jade relaxing enjoying her unsually uneventful day when suddenly Vivian or Malika, or both!, slither into view.
Hunter2045 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014
Nice work.
turboman500 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
Isn't it though?
Hunter2045 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
BrentOGara Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nice! :D I love it! I loved the original, and this is like 'the same but more', and more is always good. As the lovely Mae West said (and Malika would surely agree) "Too much of a good thing is wonderful." The added details were very well done, the characters were on-character, and it read quick, smooth, like real literature, if you know what I mean? (I hope you know, 'cause I'm not sure if i do...) Very good work by you and your editor/re-writer both! :love: 
turboman500 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014
I wish I could write real literature ;-; lol!

I love what she did with it, girl can write sooo good
BrentOGara Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You do write real literature! My fiancee has the same problem as you... just because someone else can polish your work, doesn't mean you can't write (or don't write as well)! You did all the heavy lifting, the next person to come along can then put their time and effort into subtle adjustments and shining it up. She does write really well, I love what she did with it, but you are the TurboMan(500)!
turboman500 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
You like good debates - we have a nice one on the latest chapter of dynamic equilibrium , if you haven't read it... Get your sorry hide in gear lol. It's done by :icongreyman101: , dude is a great writer
BrentOGara Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Dynamic Equilibrium 'eh? I'll check it out! Thanks :)
turboman500 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
if you've EVER watched bones... you'll fucking love it
BrentOGara Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've never watched Bones, but I know the format and main characters. I think it's pretty interesting... I just might have to watch a few eps to get the 'feel' of it.
turboman500 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
This story made me binge watch the entire series on netflix lol
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March 20, 2014
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